


You Don't Have to Forgive, Or Forget, Quite Yet

by QueenieRose53001



Series: all that i have, all that i need [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Genre: Adoption, Endor, Force Ghost Padmé Amidala, Force Ghosts, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Forgiveness, Gen, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Leia wants nothing to do with Anakin Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 18:31:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12538448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenieRose53001/pseuds/QueenieRose53001
Summary: Padmé laughed, stifling a sob. “I wish I could have been there for you,” she said, moisture tracking down her blue stained cheeks. “But I’m glad Bail and Breha were.”





	You Don't Have to Forgive, Or Forget, Quite Yet

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as a stand alone piece, but is set in the same universe as the other works in this series.

The room was dark, and far too quiet. Han was sound asleep next to her, one arm wrapped around her waist, his breaths soft and gentle. Leia had been trying to sleep for hours, the Endor moons rising and setting in her insomnia.  But her fear of her nightmares kept her from closing her eyes. 

The Rebellion hadn’t moved from the planet yet. Everyone was anxious to leave, seeing as this seemed to be the end of the long fight. She had been fighting for as long as she could remember. She lost her friends, and her family, and watched helpless as so many innocents had died. 

Several nights before, she had learned that she had family waiting for her. Not a father, as she refused to acknowledge that the monster that had destroyed her world, kidnapped and tortured her friends, and was the image of the system they had been fighting was her biological father. 

But she had a brother, the boy who had barged into her cell on the original Death Star to rescue her, the one too short to be a stormtrooper. Luke had always been a good friend, even if he was whiny and intolerable at times. He had gotten her message to Obi-Wan, even if he died before Leia could truly ask him to help her cause. He was the closest thing to a Jedi that there was left. He had told her that she had his power too, and Leia refused. 

It would mean accepting that there was Vader in her. She couldn’t. 

Leia’s eyes started to drift close despite her anxieties. The room began to fill with a soft blue glow, and she simply assumed it to be the sun rising. She wouldn’t be surprised if she had spent the entire night pretending to sleep. 

But then the light focused into two figures, and Leia was more awake than she had been  in days. They were a man and a woman holding hands. They were young, both with long hair, the man blond and the woman with curly, dark hair that fell past her shoulders. The man was dressed rather plainly, in neutral colored clothes, a dark brown cloak and vest and a cream shirt and pants. His hair fell in waves just above his shoulders

The woman, however, was dressed like royalty. Leia would know, as she had spent most of her childhood as the crown princess of her planet. The thought stopped there. If she thought too long about her childhood, Leia would begin to spiral downwards. 

But she was beautiful, and kind, and sad. She was dressed in dark blue, the fabric of her dress soft and billowy. There was a darker robe on top, and there were tiny white flowers tucked into the curls of her hair. 

Leia sat up, careful not to disturb Han, still fast asleep. “Who are you?” she asked, pushing her hair out of her face as she stood. “What are you doing here?”

“You do not want me here, I know.” The man winced. “I am only here so that you can meet her, Leia.”

She blinked as the other woman held onto the man’s hand tighter. They were both tinted blue, and Leia couldn’t help but wonder how blue the man’s eyes actually were. She cleared her throat quietly. “What are your names?” She tried again, hoping for a better answer. 

The woman spoke. “I was Padmé Amidala, Senator and former Queen of Naboo” Her voice was gentle and poised. Leia was right, she had been royalty. “This is my husband.”

The man couldn’t look at Leia. His eyes were glued to the floor of the hut that Leia and Han had been assigned until the Rebellion moved out. He cleared a lump out of his throat before he could speak. “My name was Anakin Skywalker.”

Leia’s eyes widened, her hands curling into fists. For a moment she debated summoning her brother, but then the thought faded. Her parents’ murderer was here. The man who had tortured her friends and lover dared to show his face in front of her. She needed to face him on her own. Luke would be no help.

“Get out, Darth Vader. You will never get my forgiveness. You may have gotten it from my brother, but you will never get it from me.” Leia growled quietly, still trying to not wake Han. Thankfully, he slept on. 

Anakin nodded. “I know. I didn’t want to come. I know how you feel about me.”

Padmé spoke up. “It is my fault he is here, Leia. I have no sensitivity to the Force, so he must bring me if I wish to come back to the world of the living. I just wanted to see you. The last time I saw you, you were so little. I got to name you, and hold you, and then I died and you and your brother were separated. I wish things could have gone differently, Leia.”

Leia realized that this was her biological mother. Padmé had the same hair, the same eyes, but she had Anakin’s structure. Luke had Anakin’s coloring, and Padmé’s nose, the soft curve of her lips. Leia could never call Vader her father, but this was the woman who had carried her. She wondered how Padmé could have loved this monster. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could ever call you my mother,” Leia said, trying not to see Anakin, only Padmé. She nodded. 

“I understand. I knew and I trusted Bail, and I was good friends with Breha. Other than my own family, they were the only people I wanted raising my children if we weren’t able to. They died before their time.”

Leia wanted to cry, but her years spent as a politician forbid her. “How could you have loved him?” The words slipped out on their own accord, and she knew it was rude, but she wanted to know. 

Anakin winced, cringing with his entire body, but not letting go of Padmé’s hand. “It seems impossible to believe,” Padmé began, “But the only reason he Fell to the Darkside was because he was afraid. He wanted to protect us. Before we were married, he had visions of his mother being tortured and dying. When we went to find her, she died in his arms. And then, several years later, when I told him I was pregnant with you and your brother, he started having nightmares of me dying giving birth to you. He was afraid. He did what he thought was right, Leia. And then his worst nightmare came true. He thought we were all dead. You and your brother weren’t, of course, but the Emperor told him that he killed us.”

Leia’s eyes never left her mother. She still couldn’t bear to look at the man who turned into Vader. “I do not excuse his actions, Leia,” Padmé told her. “I just wanted to tell you how it all began for you and your brother. I just wanted to see you, and for you to see me.”

“It was nice to meet you, Senator Amidala. When I was younger and running for Alderaan’s Senate seat, I studied your strategies.”  

Padmé smiled, but like Leia’s faint memory of her, it was disheartening and sad. The blue cast on her skin only added to her melancholy. Despite her anger at her biological father, the expression on Padmé’s face made Leia’s heart sink. What she had said to her mother had been so impersonal. She hadn’t mentioned the years she had idolized one of the youngest queens of the planet that Alderaan was most strongly allied with, how shaken she had been when she met Pooja Naberrie, a girl that she didn’t even know that she was related to. 

Leia cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I need to reword that. I idolized you when I was younger. Something, I’m guessing the Force, drew me to you. I’m glad it did.”

Padmé laughed, stifling a sob. “I wish I could have been there for you,” She said, moisture tracking down her blue stained cheeks. “But I’m glad Bail and Breha were.”

Anakin had distanced himself from his wife and his daughter, his guilt almost tangible. Padmé reached out, her translucent hand coming to rest on Leia’s cheek. Leia shuddered at the pseudo touch, the chill of the Force touching her. She hated that she could feel it, but she leaned into her mother’s hand anyways. “They were the best parents that anyone could ask for,” Leia said, horrified that she was starting to cry as well. 

“They raised you right, Leia,” Anakin said. Leia startled. “I need you to know that if I had known that either of you were alive, none of this would have ever happened. The Emperor knew that I wasn’t the one who killed her, even though that’s what he told me. He drained her life force, through his powers. He thought he killed you and your brother as well, but you survived. I had lost all hope.”

Leia realized that they had all been victims of the Empire. She was no closer to forgiving her father, but she was closer to understanding him. Padmé took her hand back. “The morning is coming. Your lover is close to waking,” She couldn’t take her eyes off of her daughter. “Anakin bringing me here is exhausting. We need to leave.”

Leia felt herself fill up with sorrow at the idea of the pair leaving. “Can you come back?”

Padmé nodded as Anakin began to speak. “I just need to retune, reconnect with the Force. I am still learning how to project from the after world. Obi Wan is teaching me. If I cannot bring your mother, I will convince Obi Wan to.”

“Thank you,” Leia said, before remembering what this man did to her and her family. But she couldn’t bring herself to take it back. 

Padmé smiled. “I love you, Leia. I am very proud of you. I will see you soon, but until then, know that I will always be watching over you.”

Leia grinned, the tears tracking down her face as her biological parents faded from view, leaving only Leia, hyper aware of Han’s soft breaths behind her. Out the window, she noticed the sun was starting to rise, spilling peachy light into the tiny room. Leia wiped her eyes and went back to bed, Han’s arm falling across her waist again. 

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” Han mumbled, half asleep, into her hair. Leia smiled, the fatigue of the long night settling into her eyelids. She could be happy here, with her lover and her family. She hadn’t felt like this in years.


End file.
